Letter to Jay

Jay,

Honestly, I am not sure what to even write. I don't know how you feel about me right now, so I will write you and let you know how I feel about you. I love you so much it hurts! It hurts to watch you struggle, when you are such and awesome kid. It hurts me to see you miss out on the best parts of your life. It hurts me to watch the pain you cause your father. It is so hard to watch a kid/man with so much potential throw it away. I don't think you are doing it on purpose, but I think you chose a path and you don't know how to re-direct yourself. It hurts me to not be able to fix this for you. Al I want is the best for you always!

I hope you understand one day how hard it is to try to be a good parent especially in such an odd situation. All I have ever wanted was for you to love me and I know there is a good chance that will never happen.

Rejection is something that no one likes to feel especially from one of the people that you love most in life. I am working on coming to terms with that. I may not get to be the person to recieve anything back, but I am still working as hard as I can to make sure you are okay. I don't care who gets credit as long as I get the results I am looking for, you back!

I hope you recover from every pain you feel, from every disappointment, from everything that is bringing you down. I hope you grow into a happy person! I want for you more than anything for you to experience true happiness. If that happens I will be happy! Your happiness is the most important thing to me even if it doesn't involve me!

I love you very much and I always will,

Brandi