Jay,
Honestly, I am not sure what to even write. I don't know how you feel about me right now, so I will write you and let you know how I feel about you. I love you so much it hurts! It hurts to watch you struggle, when you are such and awesome kid. It hurts me to see you miss out on the best parts of your life. It hurts me to watch the pain you cause your father. It is so hard to watch a kid/man with so much potential throw it away. I don't think you are doing it on purpose, but I think you chose a path and you don't know how to re-direct yourself. It hurts me to not be able to fix this for you. Al I want is the best for you always!
I hope you understand one day how hard it is to try to be a good parent especially in such an odd situation. All I have ever wanted was for you to love me and I know there is a good chance that will never happen.
Rejection is something that no one likes to feel especially from one of the people that you love most in life. I am working on coming to terms with that. I may not get to be the person to recieve anything back, but I am still working as hard as I can to make sure you are okay. I don't care who gets credit as long as I get the results I am looking for, you back!
I hope you recover from every pain you feel, from every disappointment, from everything that is bringing you down. I hope you grow into a happy person! I want for you more than anything for you to experience true happiness. If that happens I will be happy! Your happiness is the most important thing to me even if it doesn't involve me!
I love you very much and I always will,
Brandi
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Ramble on
I am not really sure how to put my recent thoughts into words. So, I am going to type and if it sounds okay when I am done I am going to post it if not...I won't.
I am from a "broken" home, like most people these days. I don't understand why this is an acceptable reason for kids these days to do whatever the fuck they want. They have ZERO respect for anyone or anything and it is rather disgusting. Someone laughed the other day and said "just think this (point to my daughter) is our countries future." So it really got me to thinking.....I have met a lot of kids in the teenager catagory and I am now officially worried!!!! Back to the "broken" home comment. What is this about? Why is who you are based on who your parents are or how dumb or smart they are, or if they really love you? I totally know this sounds "cold" but I really feel this way. YOU are YOU and YOU make up who YOU are! Why are we so cought up in this idea that it matters. I mean sure...I LOVE my Mom a ton and I love my Dad too. He wasn't around as much when I was growing up and was a total tyrant. He was not an easy dad to have and when him and my mom got divorced he moved away. He wasn't that involved with us or should I say he wasn't "hands on". So big deal! Get over it and move on. I feel like because I have done that and really worried about my future and my family that the rest just came into place as it should. I just don't understanding forcing the issue or using it as a crutch as to why you are juvenille deliquent.
Help me!!
BTW I am not going to re-read this because I know it will be just a bunch of rambling and may not make sense to anyone but me...but who cares.
B
I am from a "broken" home, like most people these days. I don't understand why this is an acceptable reason for kids these days to do whatever the fuck they want. They have ZERO respect for anyone or anything and it is rather disgusting. Someone laughed the other day and said "just think this (point to my daughter) is our countries future." So it really got me to thinking.....I have met a lot of kids in the teenager catagory and I am now officially worried!!!! Back to the "broken" home comment. What is this about? Why is who you are based on who your parents are or how dumb or smart they are, or if they really love you? I totally know this sounds "cold" but I really feel this way. YOU are YOU and YOU make up who YOU are! Why are we so cought up in this idea that it matters. I mean sure...I LOVE my Mom a ton and I love my Dad too. He wasn't around as much when I was growing up and was a total tyrant. He was not an easy dad to have and when him and my mom got divorced he moved away. He wasn't that involved with us or should I say he wasn't "hands on". So big deal! Get over it and move on. I feel like because I have done that and really worried about my future and my family that the rest just came into place as it should. I just don't understanding forcing the issue or using it as a crutch as to why you are juvenille deliquent.
Help me!!
BTW I am not going to re-read this because I know it will be just a bunch of rambling and may not make sense to anyone but me...but who cares.
B
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