Very Special Mom

So I have a lot on my mind these days, like that is any different than before. I don't express myself on paper well, certainly not like my sister. She can make you laugh and understand EXACTly what she was thinking, me on the other hand...not so much! I am really blogging for myself. I don't think I will even publish this. Just for me!



I am not sure where exactly to start unraveling all of my feelings. I think i will write about my mother and my sister tonight. I just visited my sister Jennifer in Austin. My mother, James Ryder, and I drove down on Friday. When I am with my Mom and my Sister, I feel on top of the world! These are the people that helped make me who I am today.

My mom where to start. My Mom was the single person growing up that I could truly depend on. She was always there for me even when I didn't want her there. She didn't just tell me what I wanted to hear. She always told me the truth, but still managed to make me feel loved even when I totally screwed up! She is the person that I wanted to be proud of me most! (wow this is hard to put into words) Now that I am an adult I see just how hard the decisions she made were. There is no right or wrong way to be a parent. it is a constant struggle with how to do this job. She made mistakes but really very few as far as I can tell and none that had any life long negative effects on me! I think she showed me to make sure all of my decisions were made with love. Growing up wasn't easy and I am sure being a parent to me wasn't either, but she did a might fine job. Oh....I think something I don't say much is that my mom knew what was important to me and always managed to find a way to pay for the things I needed to be doing. Volleyball was the love of my life and she worked a second job in the summer to pay for my camps. She made sure I did everything I could to play as much as I could. I think this was detrimental to my success in HS because I was very focused on being the best I could and I made decisions based on that. She did things like save her change waiting tables to buy me these red boots I wanted...I wore them once and left them in the trunk of a car I wrecked...or maybe I just lost them, but I know they cost a lot and she did that for me. It seems small, but funny enough those are the things you remember! I love you mom!!!